Double Digits Have Been Achieved!!!

So I am down 10 pounds! Double digits!!! You know, I am so excited about that fact, but I am even more excited to give all the glory to God. Seriously, because I have very little willpower when it comes to food. I have always been at one extreme or the other; eating too much or way too little. But I am eating between 1500-1800 calories a day, feeling full & satisfied and I am losing the weight. I have walked into the cafeteria at work while the cook had the entire flat top covered with cooking bacon and I was able to appreciate the wonderful smell, but just walk through to fill up my water bottle and walk away. Yep, that victory belongs to God, because if left to my own will…I SO would have bought some bacon!

Cool thing!!! A woman that is in my small group but who has been traveling for the past few weeks, saw me at church and said “Are you losing weight?” YES!!! YES I AM!!!! But I had an opportunity to share with her how I am doing it and she told me it was definitely a Divine appointment that I told her how I am doing it. She too struggles with her weight like so many of us do. But I told her that I am not doing any specific diet, no pills, fads, etc. I am watching what I eat and making very conscious decisions about what I put in my mouth. “Is this good for me?” “Is there nutritional value to this?” “Will this nourish me?” Because if it doesn’t meet that, why do I want to put it in my body? I want to break the cycle of self loathing I have had because I overeat foods that are processed, fried, filled with empty calories and no nutritional value. You feel disgusting after you eat them, you unbuckle your pants or wear elastic pants to hide the bloat. And then the same conversation over and over in my head “Why did you eat that? I will NEVER do that again”…until the next time I do!

I have been packing my lunch just about every day the past few weeks. I am very intentional when I shop and when I pack my lunches. I make sure to pack colorful attractive things, like a beautiful red & gold fuji or gala apple, some bright green sugar snap peas (YUM!!!) a bowl of flavorful soup, or a green salad with some tuna, juicy tomatoes and some garbanzo beans, or maybe a sandwich with whole grain bread and lots of produce added. I even bought some light provolone to have an enjoyable piece of cheese vs. a processed piece of fat free orange “stuff”. I am enjoying the variety of meals I am packing. When I used to go out to eat it was typically Taco Bell, Chinese food or a burger joint. I almost never went to Subway. That is the one place I have gone last week for lunch and I thoroughly enjoyed my turkey & avocado 6” sub.

Before I eat, and throughout the day I thank God for giving me fullness, not just in my stomach. I have been guilty of eating too much in the past because I was trying to fill up holes in my life only God can fill, like my head and my heart. I am no longer eating to fill any voids, I am asking God to keep changing me, to confront me with areas I need to submit and trust in Him to change me into a new creation. These three songs have lyrics that just really speak to the changes I am going through and my daily reliance on God to carry me through it all. Check them out if you aren't familiar with them. GREAT MUSIC!

The Stand by Hillsong United

You stood before my failure
Carried the Cross for my shame
My sin weighed upon Your shoulders
My soul now to stand

So what can I say
What can I do
But offer this heart O God
Completely to You

So I'll stand
With arms high and heart abandoned
In awe of the One who gave it all

So I'll stand
My soul Lord to You surrendered
All I am is Yours


The Only Hope by Bebo Norman

I want to run, it's my nature to run
And I want to fight, it's my nature to fight
And I want to live, but You tell me to die
I have resolved that I'm much better off
In Your hands than mine

I want a crumb, but You are a feast
I want a song, but You are a symphony
I want a star, but You are a galaxy

And I have resolved that I'm much better off
In what You have for me
I'm begging You to hold on tight
Begging You to hold on tight
Begging You to hold on tight
Begging You to take my life from me
So tell me You won't let go
Tell me You won't let go
Cause You are the only hope for me

Take my life from me, It's the only hope for me
Take my life from me, It's the only hope for me
And I'll never want for more
I'll never want for more


From the Inside Out – Hillsong United

A thousand times I've failed
Still Your mercy remains
And should I stumble again
Still I'm caught in Your grace

In my heart and my soul, I give You control
Consume me from the inside out Lord
Let justice and praise, become my embrace
To love You from the inside out

From the inside out, Lord my soul cries out

Connection Has Been Made

I have struggled with my weight for years. I am ashamed to say I have gained 70 pounds in the last 8 years. I know my exact weight from my wedding day and I realize I have gained just under 10 lbs. per year of my marriage. That works out to less than a pound a month, so I see how it just crept up. My husband loves fried food, burgers and pizza. So to accomodate his likes, I have changed my habits to his bad ones and I have eaten horribly since we got married. But you know what, I can't blame him. I am an adult and I made poor choices to get to where I am. I have to take ownership of my situation and resolve to do something about it.

I have been desiring to finally get serious about losing weight for the last month or so. I am just kind of disgusted with myself (but in a good way). Is there a good way of being disgusted with yourself? Hmm. I have always wanted some quick fix. I have bought diet pills, shakes, etc. I definitely don't EVER want to get a gastric bypass, but I really was mad that Kaiser Permanente won't cover the costs for a Lap Band. But you know what? I don't want the Lap Band. I don't want surgery. I don't want to have some foreign object stuck in my body, possible complications, constant maintenance, etc. I don't want to not be able to enjoy an actual meal with my husband or my family at the Holidays. I don't want to have to permanently eliminate foods from my diet.

Anyways, I have really felt God pushing me to think of the real reasons I have gained so much weight. There is no magic pill. I need to pray and seek Gods help in helping me to let go of all the shame, guilt & issues I have. I have to actually give it all to Him. That right there is a big weight I carry around that is SO unneccesary.

I attended the Women of Faith conference last weekend in Anaheim, CA. Many of the speakers really got to me. God spoke through them and I finally heard and made the connection. I need to completely trust in God and let go of my will. I keep thinking "...some day" "I'll start later", etc. But nothing is guaranteed. So I started! No more excuses. I even was able to make an appointment first thing Monday morning for lab work. I fasted Sunday night and went in to the docs first thing on Monday and I am so happy that my cholesterol and glucose are GREAT! That was a burden removed. Now I know that my weight loss efforts are going to make my numbers even better. I haven't done major damage yet.

I have already lost 6 lbs. this week! I know it won't keep coming off that fast, but it is a very encouraging start. My goal is to be fit & fabulous by 40. I have 553 days until I am 40. That's a lot of time to make it happen. No excuses!

Philippians 4:13 I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength.

Even If!!!

After camp every summer our church lets the kids take over the service on a Sunday for a youth led service. This year we kept the Jr. Camp presentation fairly short. We shared a short slide show of pictures from camp and then Matt, Mark & I each shared some things with the congregation. The youth pastor shared a short message about the week the Jr. & Sr. High kids had at camp. His message is still sticking with me and I know it’s because I need to hear it and let it work on me. His message was on the passage in Daniel about Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego before they were thrown into the fiery furnace. When confronted by King Nebuchadnezzar they told him they believed God was able to save them from their fate, but even if He does not, we want you to know that we will not serve your gods. Brian asked us to think about our “even ifs”. Wow! I definitely have some even ifs that I have let come between me and my God. God is a big guy, He can handle little ol’ me being mad at him. But I shouldn’t EVER put conditions on my love for Him. What if He did that to me? Surely I would never measure up, because I screw up time and time again. But I have let my fertility, my living situation, my husbands’ lengthy unemployment all become points of contention between me and God. I have said in my head and my heart “If God really loved me, then I would get pregnant, have my own home and a gainfully employed husband.” But I can’t put those conditions on Him and He doesn’t put them on me. I need to come to a place where I don’t let ANYTHING come between me and my love and worship of my Savior, my King, my God. Do you have things in your life coming between you and your relationship with God? Will you love Him “even if” things never go the way you want them too?

Summer Camp at Victory Ranch

I haven’t written in my blog for a long time. I have had a lot going on. I had tons of work to do in mid July to get ready to take a week off of work July 25 – July 31 to take a group of 20+ 3rd thru 6th graders to camp. It was a great week! We went to a new camp this summer since our old camp is no longer offering a local summer camp. We went to a place called Victory Ranch in Moreno Valley. There are things I missed about Centri-Kid, but mostly they were the modern conveniences of staying on a beautiful college campus vs. going to an actual ranch for camp. At Centri-kid I had my own room in our cottage, we had air conditioning, three full bathrooms, our porches, full kitchens and refrigerators. Ahhh, those were the days! But the kids really longed for a camp that was really “camp”. They got that at Victory Ranch for sure. When we arrived at camp you drive down a dusty road and encounter a cow pasture, horse stables and all the aromas that accompany cows & horses. We stayed in cabins with swamp coolers, we had invasions of biting red ants, we played games that the kids loved but the parent in me found disgusting or dangerous. The game “rhino snot” is forever engraved in my memory. Our clothes smelled so horrible after a week of sweating, playing with food, mud, riding horses, etc. We got home on Saturday late afternoon and on Sunday at church all the parents talked about how bad the laundry duties were. But it’s been a month since camp and the kids still want to share with me every chance they get about how much fun they had at camp. I am so grateful to have a job where I earn a lot of leave and am able to use my leave to take this great bunch of kids to camp each summer.

The Existence of Evil

In the news lately there have also been a lot of reports on the actor Mel Gibson. He divorced his wife of over 30 years recently and began dating a Russian singer. They have a baby daughter together. Recordings have come out on a website called radaronline.com that I heard of him cursing his girlfriend out. His language & tone of voice are frightening. This is definitely a man unhinged. When I have read Bible stories of people possessed by demons...that is how Mel sounds in the recording. He is huffing & puffing & screaming and foul words are just spewing like venom from his lips.

Back in the day Mel was an exceedingly good looking man. He seemed so charming, and those blue eyes & smile of his aren't hard on the eyes. However, the revelations about him & his hard drinking ways the past few years cannot be ignored. The years haven't been kind to him and he looks horrible. People want to make excuses for him and say "It's the alcohol". Yes...the alcohol is a factor, but I don't think the alcohol invents these things he says. The alcohol may magnify them, or remove his ability to hide them or show any tact. So when he is drunk he no longer has the ability to censor himself and he says the most vile and racist things. He has been abusive and hit this woman, even when she was holding his little baby in her arms.

It's so sad that his legacy & witness are being destroyed by his behavior. This man has done some wonderful films. Films he's acted in or things he's produced & directed like The Passion of the Christ. Wow, how far he has fallen.

I will NEVER spend another penny on something he is in. I don't know if I will even have the opportunity too. His agency dropped him and I think this latest incident will mean the end of his career. I feel sorry for his children, he has many. I can't imagine going through life being so ashamed of my father.

Pulling Teeth...

Could I get some help? When I ask this of my class of 3rd thru 6th graders at AWANA, every hand raises before I even say what I need help with. But when we stand at the pulpit and ask for help from the congregation…not near so many hands are raised. Sometimes it feels like pulling teeth to get people to help out.

I know we all have other things going on in our life. I don’t expect people to basically live at the church because we are volunteering for every project under the sun. I just wish people would be obedient when they feel that nudge to volunteer when a new project comes along. I truly believe God wants us to accomplish certain things at church and in our community, and if God wants those things accomplished, He is calling people to do it. But too many people think “I do enough, let someone else, I volunteered for something a while back so I’m good now, etc. etc.” And then they don’t step up. Or you have people who step up begrudgingly and have bad attitudes the whole time.

Romans 12:4-8 says “For just as we have many members in one body and all the members do not have the same function, so we, who are many, are one body in Christ, and individually members one of another. Since we have gifts that differ according to the grace given to us, each of us is to exercise them accordingly: if prophecy, according to the proportion of his faith; if service, in his serving; or he who teaches, in his teaching; or he who exhorts, in his exhortation; he who gives, with liberality; he who leads, with diligence; he who shows mercy, with cheerfulness.”

We all have been given areas of giftedness by God and we all need to find ways to serve. I recently did all the crafts for VBS, my 18 year old daughter served as the VBS Director and we had teens from 7th thru college age helping serve as leaders and guides. I was able to have the assistance of 2 older women from the church, a married couple currently unemployed, a single Mom and 2 sets of siblings helping me out in crafts. It was wonderful to have a variety of ages and abilities helping me. The kids at VBS all benefited from our range of experience.

I love serving the Lord. I have known exhaustion from it, but I also know the joy in it. This past few weeks were crazy. I was literally at the church EVERY day for 10 straight days decorating for VBS, running crafts for VBS for a week, decorating & building our churches 4th of July Parade float, taking down decorations, worship services, etc. So now I am taking a little well deserved time off. But I will begin preparing new lessons, craft ideas and service projects for AWANA when we begin again in the fall. I know God has given me gifts and I follow 1 Peter 4:10 “As each one has received a special gift, employ it in serving one another as good stewards of the manifold grace of God.”

No job is too big or too small if you have been called by God to accomplish it. I am not above sweeping & mopping up a dirty floor, unclogging a toilet, cooking food for a crowd and then doing all the dishes, etc. Romans 12:3 says “…do not think of yourself more highly than you ought”. Any job is worth doing when you are serving the Lord. Autograph your work with excellence.

Husband Bashing

Why is it so acceptable & seen as amusing to bash husbands? When I log into Facebook I sometimes read posts from people bashing their husbands. Wow! You really want to put that out into the world? You really want people to read your dirty laundry and destroy any witness you have by constantly criticizing & belittling your spouse and telling anyone who can see it "I hate my husband!"

I sent a private message to a friend letting them know "How would you feel if he were posting this about you?" and the response I got was "He doesn't have a facebook". Oh...so that makes it okay? Hmmm...

But the problem is much deeper. Look at just about any prime time comedy on TV these days and think of the Dad. Just about all of them are portrayed as bumbling idiots. Why is that? Because I can tell you that the majority of married men I know are loving, engaged, capable fathers and loving husbands.

I LOVE my husband and I ADORE my Dad. Both have their silly/goofy side, but that is just a small portion of the men that they are. They are intelligent, insightful, godly, caring, thoughtful, capable, and so much more.

When we get married, two become one. My husband is flesh of my flesh & bone of my bone. Bashing him is bashing myself. God called me to be his partner and to be a loving helpmate. That is what I will continue to do. And while he may occasionally drive me a little nuts, I know he puts up with a lot from me too. I cannot imagine my life without him, I don't want to.